I Feel Awful And Awesome

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone.  “God is like a clover” and all that.  Anyways.

I’m gonna hide some things in this post after the jump.  Why? Because when I post to this blog, I do so under the assumption of an anonymous audience. I try not to name names, and doing so makes it much easier for me to write, especially if something I’m writing might upset someone. So no names, and if you think it’s you, it might be, so deal with it.

So Players, one of the local gay bars, had a drag show last night. It was fun and I had fun. As much fun as the show itself is, half of the fun is all the new people it brings out. When I go out at night, I’m not there to get drunk or anything like that. I like to see my friends, and I really like meeting new people. Even if it’s just for a night. Every once in a while, you run into someone… interesting. In, you know, that way. So tonight I met a guy that I found myself very attracted to. I told him as much. He did tell me that he had a boyfriend, and I respect that. I still thought he was a catch, and I got his permission for a little good-natured flirting. Gotta keep sharp.

Getting to know him I asked, “So how long have you been going out with this (so far unnamed) guy?” Apparently, about a month.  On a scale of 1-to-10, one being “Totally single” and ten being “Married to a family member,” I figure we’re at about a 2.5 or so.  I flirt some more. As we talk, he mentions his boyfriend’s name and it’s someone I know. It’s someone I’ve known fairly casually for several years; not really “friends,” but more than casual acquaintances. At this point, I’m a little conflicted. Here’s this guy I think I’m really hitting it off with, but fucking hell. So I get his number, “Hey, even though you’re dating [redacted] you’re still pretty cool and let’s get to know each other.” If nothing else we can be friends, right? Right. So here’s where I am right now. Even though it’s a young relationship, I know the other guy. So while I’d really like to pursue, there’s a small part of me that’s saying “No, don’t be like that.” Most of me, though? Most of me has no qualms.

Like I said, when I went to bed last night and started writing this post, I was conflicted. This morning, after eating some breakfast and finishing it? Not so much. Thanks for the free therapy, internet.

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